How do I know?

[Beth]

One of the most common questions I've been bombarding myself with in regard to being dispersed and whether this stuff is my stuff or their stuff is, "How do I know?"

Body Consciousness

Luckily I now have a handful of body consciousness signals which help me with this. That helps so much more than I can even say because I have always questioned everything I could, looking for best/highest or most foundational truth. That means questioning me, too. That helps when overturning crappy old paradigm beliefs but it sucks if one has a sincere bead on something significant and keeps pitching it out because it might not be right.

Instead of thinking there must be something wrong with the body for feeling a sensation here or there, wondering what the communication is places focus of attention on self in the now and =
It can lead to great insights. The body consciousness is self, not separate, and it will work this way if allowed to.

Even if the sensation is uncomfortable I know it is there to get my attention. And once it gets my attention and I get the communication, the discomfort, most of the time, is gone.

A body sensation can also be a communication about what somebody else is feeling, or energy that they are expressing or holding. I've felt those all my life and had been told that I couldn't -- uh right tell the body that -- but now days I am even sensing probabilities of people having strong energy in a direction of having that sensation futurely so they can say no they're not feeling that but the next week they were.


When Left to Myself

If there is not a recognizable body signal the easiest way for me to figure out how to know if this stuff is their stuff or my stuff is to remember how I be when left to myself.

Succinctly, I can know that drama is not mine because I know better, and I don't care.

For the "I know better" part: Resistance makes things stick. My natural state of being is nonresistant because I know better, because I know what sort of effect that has on my experience. If I somehow got caught up in something and am just noticing, this can also be a choice in moment to drop the resistance, and if something is really sticky it can take a little while of breathing and coming back to myself in order to allow that momentum to slow down, stop, turn around, and head back into ease.

For the "I don't care" part, it doesn't mean I don't care about people. It means I don't care that they are doing manipulative bullshit or power games or judgment or whatever. It doesn't have anything to do with me. As soft/dispersed though I can still be feeling it as if it is mine. It helps me to remind myself I really don't care. Also some people really enjoy drama, and I really don't. I enjoy the heck out of playful adventures, and I bliss out just feeling a warm spring day. One of my other lifetimes must have plenty of drama for both of us, because I SO have no interest over there. So if I'm feeling it as if it is mine and I catch it, paying attention to what I'm doing, like why am I feeling all emo or like I need to engage someone in dramarama, I can step back and go oh yeah, that's not mine.

In both cases it can be because I am standing near or thinking about someone who is all up into that. Buffering helps if it's local. If it's nonlocal then buffering doesn't appear to help at all -- still working on this one. Best option is to quit thinking about that person or group of people doing the drama. Again it can take a few moments to allow the momentum to shift.

The other nonlocal one that I've noticed is if someone has their attention honed in on me, I can be feeling their circuitry, and this one can be trickier because I often don't know who it is or what it's about. Not only is the feeling or thought pattern not mine, but the thought connecting to the person wasn't even me-directed so I have to feel into it and see what's going on. Sometimes it becomes clear and then it is resolved just like that. In this way I figure the openness has its benefits because I just became aware of something I wanted to know. Sometimes it's foggy and hard to shake, and that one is trickier. Sometimes booting everybody out and placing myself in my safe space in consciousness helps.

That's also when it's really handy to have my own hook, my own thing I'm really interested in that can pull my attention strongly into what I am doing.

And sometimes I still feel the fog and chaos -- and so guaranteed I'm still feeling for the people going through this themselves and I'm still working on tweaks and open for solution input. This is a new thing for me, knowing about being dispersed, and I'm tickled I've been able to become so clear about so much in such a short period of time. Also like everything I'm never holding myself up as the be-all end-all IT of completion. The people who think I'm being cocky have seriously got the wrong end of the stick. We're always expanding. So if you've got this already please drop me a line or post.

[Beth]

An example of the other-directed nonlocal is handy from the other day when I was busy working and I suddenly felt really anxious and there was no reason for it. I noticed it immediately, yay, and realized there was no good reason for it, yay, and figured it probably was not mine but there it was anyway, feeling like mine, and it was so very strong. I did deep breathing and focusing on where I was and what I was doing, and I reminded myself that anxiety and excitement are the same energy, just run through different filters/definitions. Still there. I drove across town to my other office, making sure to remind myself to reel in my energy and not be picking stuff up from the cars around me. (Totally serious, it happens, and it isn't any fun.) Still there. Put everything aside and did some more breathing, still there. A few minutes later I got a phone call from a young man wanting a job. I talked to him for two minutes and the anxiety was completely gone.

Claro. That was not mine. That wasn't even me-directed, although yes it had been me-allowed.

The reason it was there was to show me plainly, in no uncertain terms, that this sort of thing can happen exactly like that. Open dispersed beans can be picking up other people's stuff like that, and feeling it like it was their own, even if the person is miles away, even if I was not even thinking of him or her. His attention had been zeroed in on me.

I had had a few other examples like that but they weren't as clearly unrelated to what I was doing so there was still that question there of maybe it had something to do with me. This one was extremely clear. It had nothing to do with me, other than I was there. :p It definitely was not spawned from the circuitry /patterns /vibration of this human unit right here. And I wanted to show myself that. Now that I've seen it plainly and acknowledged another layer of confusing stuff I didn't understand that had been 'stuck' for me, maybe there will not be a need to be so darn open like that. (?)

This is really a flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants sort of adventure here. They don't make classes for this sort of thing, at least not that I've run into in my reality yet. Although by the time I get it all lined out I assume I will be aligning with a reality wherein there will be some, and they will say they've been rocking since 1997 or some shit like that. That's usually the way it works. First I become aware of it and poke around with it and integrate it and then I can see it out there looking like it's been that way for ages. Uh huh. It did not exist in my reality before. I looked. I looked exhaustively. But this place works inside --> out. So it makes sense. ...as long as you're not a "out there is concrete and completely separate" sort of person.

This is not the first time I have thought somebody selected the "advanced difficulty" option for this game. :p It could lighten up any time after now. Now works.